Par-Tay!!!!!!!!!
by Xandra the Blue
Summary: Okay. The stroy is that me and me mates throw a partay, and people from LOTR ,discworld, harry pitter asnd other places turn up instead of the right guests. I hope tyou like it!


Party!  
  
Wolfm sat with her friends in their flat. Dino started to yawn and Taz began to hum a mad little tune. Then, after a few minutes uncomfortable silence Dino said," You said you were having a party, and not one's turned up. You did invite people didn't you?"  
  
"I did!" said Wolfm defensively. No one looked each other in the eye. They didn't believe her. Then Dino yawned again and said, "Well, if some of your 'guests' turn up, tell me, I'm going to bed." She got up and left. Taz looked unimpressed and said, "Me to, I don't think I can stand the excitement"  
  
Wolfm sat all alone. Those fucking people had stood her up again. She couldn't believe it. What she really wanted was some people to turn up, but she knew they wouldn't. What she really wanted was Her favourite characters to turn up.  
  
She began to plan it in her head. Frodo would be in the corner, talking to Machiavelli about the shire, (She had no idea why he was their, he just was), Snape and Vimes (Whom she fancied) would be having an argument over something, and Aragorn (she fancied him) and Bryan (A character she had made up) would be comparing their weapons.  
  
Sopecles and Plato would be making rude jokes, and she could just imagine George Washington (This is England, but we DO know small amounts of colonial history) and Stephen Fry having a fight of wits. Then there would be Harry, Ron, Hermione and the Hobbits having a great laugh about something. Then the Red Dwarf crew would turn up and make this party start!  
  
Then Blackadder would turn up soon and with Baldric and Nobby at his side, manage to get drunker than a barrel full of monkeys on Nitric acid.  
  
She was laughing about this to herself when the doorbell rang. She got up to answer it and she saw four nervous looking hobbits looking at her.  
  
"Err, " said the cute one that everyone fancies," Excuse me, but is this 17e Florentine road?"  
  
"Err…Yes?" said Wolfm slightly suspiciously, " why are you here?"  
  
"PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shouted the Scottish Hobbit.  
  
"Err…Okay then?" she sighed, well, it couldn't get any worse as it was. The hobbits gladly came in, giving her their cloaks. She put them in her bedroom and put on some music. The hobbits held their hands over their ears.  
  
"What is that racket?" shouted the little non-Scottish hobbit.  
  
"Sum 41" said Wolfm calmly, "What is it? To loud?"  
  
"Err yes," said the blond hobbit very attached to the blue eyed one," But, please put it on again!"  
  
"Do any of you like pink?"  
  
"Dunno put it on" Wolfm did so, and the hobbits were dancing within a few minutes. Then the doorbell rang. She opened it to a man with black robes, black greasy hair and dangerous black eyes.  
  
"Are Potter and his cronies here" said the Man  
  
"Err…no?"  
  
"Good," said the man relieved," Any one from Hogwarts here?"  
  
"Hogwarts?"  
  
"That's good. I don't have to pretend to be a bastard here." He threw back his long black hair and gave his cloak to Wolfm. Underneath were a black silk shirt, and a pair of black suit trousers. Wolfm smiled as led him threw. The hobbits had got into the beer, so by the time the man in black came in they cheered and grabbed him. Within three and a half seconds he was bogging down to Sum 41's fat lip.  
  
The doorbell rang again and she answered it to a tall man with orange coloured hair and a woman, clinging onto him, with ash-blond hair and long fingernails. Wolfm had heard of power nails, but these were practically claws.  
  
"Err…. I herd their was a party?" said the man.  
  
"I hope there is Carrot," said the woman," I don't want to spent our only night off for six months wandering the streets."  
  
"Yes!" said Wolfm. " I hope you like hobbits and potions though, that's all I have to say."  
  
They came through, discarding their chainmail and armour for leather jackets and biker trousers. They came in and, in front of the hobbit, started to pull. The hobbits hooted and cheered, now thoroughly drunk. They hadn't even got through their first bottle of beer yet.  
  
Wolfm heard the doorbell and answered it quickly. Machiavelli, Soficies, Richard Nixon, Plato and Abraham Linchion were at the door, each with a case of beer or whiskey. Machiavelli had also brought flowers, and a pack of playing cards. Wolfm, now thoroughly confused, took their assorted cloaks and coats, and threw them on the bed.  
  
"Hey," shouted Machiavelli," Where's the pussy action. All I can see is wiener action."  
  
At this moment, Dino and Taz chose to come in.  
  
"Wolfm, you can't fake a…" they looked at Carrot and Angua, pulling in the corner, the hobbits singing drunkenly, Snape breakdancing on the floor, and the assorted philosophers, thinker and politicians putting their beers and whiskeys on the floor.  
  
"What. The. Hell?" said Taz slowly.  
  
"Err…" said Wolfm. Snape fell on the floor. Carrot and Angua looked up. The People looked at her and Dino.  
  
The hobbits, to drunk to care, shouted "Woo girls, join the Part-Tay!"  
  
Dino and Taz looked horrified. Then the doorbell rang. Legolas, Vimes, Gimli and Guybrush Threepwood were at the door. Taz shrugged, and pulled Legolas into the middle of the room. The other men came in and Wolfm put 'one more time' by daft punk on. They all started to dance. Vimes shouted at Wolfm," Is their beer here?"  
  
"Yeah, but if you want we've got orange…"  
  
"Nah. Teetotal for a year? Pass me the beer!"  
  
"I bet I can beat you in a beer drinking contest!!!." Shouted Plato.  
  
"I bet you can't!" shouted Vimes back. Then they commenced into a binge- drinking contest.  
  
Snape pulled Wolfm to one side. " I want you" he purred into her ear."  
  
"I want you too!" she exclaimed back. They stroked each other's skin and she felt his shirt come undone. She licked his nipples, and he cupped and stimulated hers. Then a voice came in from the door.  
  
"Wolfm, did you invite any cheerleaders? " Shouted Dino.  
  
"No, I did," shouted Machiavelli over his poker hand.  
  
"You dirty bitch!" said Frodo over his hand.  
  
"Ah, shut up!" Said Angua," I like a bit of bi-sexual orgy."  
  
"Master Frodo, I've found us a free bedroom" said Sam. Giggling like schoolgirls, Frodo and Sam went into Taz's room. A minute later their was a scream, And the hobbits ran out terrified. They had found Taz and Legolas.  
  
"What?" said Taz, holding his hand, her clothing, somehow insufficient. They went back in, and the music was put on louder. Guybrush, Vimes and Plato were having a drinking competition.  
  
"Three…. Two…one! Drink!" Shouted Guybrush.  
  
Vimes and Plato drank. Then Plato passed out. Vimes stood up and cheered. Then he fell over, giggling. One of the cheerleaders was totally smashed and she and Vimes giggled insanely together.  
  
Wolfm and Snape were pulling when Dino had found them, and answered the door to about twenty guests.  
  
"Wolfm! Please explain what's going on!" shouted Dino angrily. Snape and Wolfm separated.  
  
"Look, we have a party, some people turn up. Your problem is…."  
  
"They shouldn't be here! Snape doesn't exist!"  
  
"Yeah, and I can't get served. I'm only five years old." Said Snape lazily. "I'm off to get more beer"  
  
"Thanks Dino!" said Wolfm savagely.  
  
"I didn't know you fancied Snape" said Dino, "I thought you fancied Crowley from Good Omens."  
  
There was a smash of china and a 'Oh angel, come to me!'  
  
"He seems pretty occupied to me." Said Wolfm.  
  
"And Frodo from Lord of the rings"  
  
There was a sound of bed springs and Frodo was obviously getting a rush, but not from Wolfm.  
  
"Well, please explain what's going on!" Dino said.  
  
"I can't. That's the thing"  
  
"I think I can," said Aragorn. "Basically, it's our night off."  
  
"Night off?" said Wolfm, "you don't have nights off. Being part of the fellowship is a full Time job!"  
  
"Well, our authors keep us locked in books for nearly all the year, except for one night. That's august the 25, but we've sneaked off tonight, when they were asleep. Vimes suggested it, as he desperately needed a drink,"  
  
'What about Machiavelli and the rest?' asked Dino.  
  
"Well, here we get all thoughtful. They sneaked out too, 'cause they also didn't like being represented by the books. But we must be back in our books by morning, or we stay human, and in your realm. Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea…."  
  
"Maybe. But I want you outer here by the morning. " The doorbell rang. Wolfm answered it. Lister, Rimmer, Cat, kryten, Blackadder, Baldric and Alice (from Alec McGee's game) were at the door.  
  
"Got beer?" asked Wolfm. Lister, Blackadder and Alice held up kegs of beer. "Come in." She said Simply.  
  
"Thanks man," said Lister.  
  
"I hope you've got some girls," said Blackadder.  
  
Alice lent over and kissed her. Wolfm enjoyed every moment of it. Dino stared astonished at her.  
  
"Where's my Carver?" she asked.  
  
"Well, unless he's into kinky stuff or is a book, movie, TV or game character, you could be stuck." Said Wolfm.  
  
"What! That's totally lame!"  
  
They walked into the party. Aziraphale had Crowley on the sofa, biting him all over his chest. Crowley was screaming out with pleasure, and Angua and a Cheerleader were kissing. Carrot and Vimes were pulling. Wolfm looked away from that. Well, all the signs had been there…  
  
Wolfm looked at the hobbits. They were smoking pipe-weed and passing it round Machiavelli, Blackadder, Rimmer, Lister, Dumbledor and Death.  
  
"THANK YOU" said death. He laughed un-skully and blew smoke out of one of his eye sockets. Dumbledor, Pippin and Rimmer hooted with laughter. The other just rocked, stoned out of their heads.  
  
"I always wondered what was in that stuff…" said Wolfm. Dino, who had also seen Carrot and Vimes pulling, grabbed her and pulled her out into her bedroom. They put on the light to find Gimli and Cherry Littlebottom halfway through undressing. They both screamed, and putting on most of their armour, ran into the kitchen.  
  
"What the hell is going on!" said Dino, "By the way you talk, we should not have Carrot and Vimes getting it on, the hobbits stoned, and I swear I saw a guy of all bones out their. I know for certain that Machiavelli should not be stoned, and Plato should not be lying half-dead on the floor. Blackadder shouldn't be there! Explain as best as you can, or I will really get angry!"  
  
"You're only pissed off because Carver isn't there and there's a lot of gay sex going on." They both though about this last one. "Anyway, I don't know how we're going to get them out of here, they're good fun, and it isn't like they're breaking the law or anything, except probably Abraham and Richard Nixon, but they're politicians."  
  
"I'm not going out of here. At least Taz hasn't got into this funny mood."  
  
Wolfm tried to ignore the sound of Legolas and Taz shagging in the other room.  
  
"Well, let's just let the party go on and then we can get every one out at 3, okay?"  
  
Dino agreed grudgingly.  
  
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))  
  
Wolfm found Snape with Frodo, Sam and Angua. Snape had been trying to convince the hobbits into giving him some pipe-weed, but they seemed to occupied to care about him. Snape sighed, and saw Wolfm.  
  
"Wolfm, are you ready for fun?"  
  
"Yes Snape darling," she said, stroking his long greasy hair.  
  
"Call me Severus. " he said with a bad American accent. He stroked her hair and kissed her face. She rubbed his back as he started to sigh from seer pleasure….  
  
_____________________________________________________  
  
Dino opened the door. Standing there was Sauron, Saroman, Lord Voldermort, Wormtail, Mr Teatime, Le chuck, Wally and Wolgang Von Uberwald were standing at the door.  
  
Limp Biscuit started to play (Rolling). Dino asked the only question appropriate.  
  
"Got beer?" They all held up Bottles of Vodka, Beer and assorted drinks. Wolfgang smiled at her revelling every tooth. And He gave Dino a box of chocolates. She smiled and let them in. She looked at the party as Vimes, totally flushed with testosterone, danced with Carrot, Mr teatime and Saroman.  
  
Dino stared and then went to the quietest corner of the party. This happened to be where Machiavelli, Death, Boromir, Lord Voldermort, Sam Gamgee and Rimmer playing cards. They looked at her. She said, "Hit me. What are we playing?"  
  
"Go Johnny, go, go, go, go. 7 below, 8 invisible, dukes a wild." Said Machiavelli.  
  
She was delt in, and Rimmer fainted from the alcohol. Dino drained a bottle and looked at her hand.  
  
"Who's starting?" she said.  
  
"Me" said Boromir, and put a 2 down.  
  
"What do you do then," asked Dino.  
  
"Evil lord," said Voldermort.  
  
"Civil servant," said Machiavelli.  
  
"PROFESSIONAL GRIM REAPER" said death.  
  
"King of southern men" said Boromir  
  
"Gardener, and part time hero." Said Sam  
  
"Wow. How do you manage to juggle the two jobs" asked Dino.  
  
"I gets by." Said Sam.  
  
"Well, I'm going next." Said Voldermort…  
  
________________________________________  
  
Wolfm and Severus left the room, and came back into the party. Taz and Legolas came in and looked at the ruckus in the corner.  
  
"That's not the rules of Go Johnny, GO, GO, GO, GO!" Shouted Dino at Lord Voldermort.  
  
"Yes it is. Admit you've lost!" Shouted Voldermort  
  
"Never!" she shouted. She slapped him. Then Voldermort and Dino had a bitch fight. Finally, It took Sauroman, Le Chuck, Wormtail and Crowley to separate Voldermort from Dino, as for Dino….  
  
Mr Teatime, Wolfm, Snape, Legolas, Aziraphale, Taz, The four hobbits, Vimes, Aragorn, Carrot, Angua and six cheerleaders were still trying to restrain her.  
  
"Give me back my fifty bucks!" she screamed, as they all piled on top of her to stop her moving.  
  
"NEVER!!" screamed Voldermort.  
  
"My fifty bucks!" she screamed, as Aragorn restrained her. Then She managed to escape all of them and slap Voldermort. And swiped his wallet.  
  
"Hey! That's my taxi money." He screamed as Dino rummaged through his wallet. She pocked it and went to the door, as the bell had rung again. Taz and Wolfm followed. Dino opened the door to the crew of LOTR. Taz screamed and shouted, "OH my God! Orlando Bloom!" Taz ran off, and Wolfm took over as Dino fainted.  
  
"HI?" she said,"!"  
  
"We got lost on the way to the movie studio's," said Billy Boyd," and as we heard there was a party…"  
  
"Can we come in?" said Dominic.  
  
"We borough beer," said Sean.  
  
"And popcorn," said Ian Mckellen.  
  
"Aha…. Yesssssssssss, but it's fancy dress you see, and you may feel a little out of place…"  
  
"Our costumes are in the car!" said Elijer Wood. They scuttled off, and five minutes later they came back in full costume, except for the hobbits, which had refused to put their hobbit feet on.  
  
"Ahh, there's a slight problem here, I think we've already got some guys in the same costumes, but if you will…" Wolfm took the beer and ran in.  
  
"Hey, guys!" she shouted over the noise, "We've got Orlando Bloom, Elijer Wood, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monagham, Ian Mckellen, Sean Bean, Sean Austin, and Viggo Mortesen in the house!"  
  
"Do we care!" shouted Vimes being a wise arse in the back.  
  
"Yes! " Shouted Taz, "We care a lot!"  
  
"Any one for cards?" shouted Machiavelli, "We've got good odds and good beer!"  
  
"Oh me! Me!" shouted Ian McKellen!  
  
Elijer ran straight to where the cheerleaders were. Billy and Dominic joined him shortly. Sean Austin and Viggo shrugged, and ran over to the beer. Sean Bean just joined the game of cards.  
  
Gandalf took Wolfm to one side and said," Who is that man dressed up as me?"  
  
"Ian McKellen, he's a famous actor."  
  
"And the other people dresses up as Legolas, Aragorn, Boromir, the hobbits and Gimli?"  
  
"More actors" said Wolfm simply.  
  
"Well, I'll get the rest of the fellowship out of here. I saw the movie. I liked it, but no one is like me."  
  
Suddenly, all of the people associated with lord of the rings except the actor's disappeared. 


End file.
